my annual hobby

So if you look at the last three blog posts you will start to see a trend. April, April, April. I'm not really sure how that happened. My best guess is that as spring begins to unfold here in California the days tend to get longer and it feels like I have more time to dabble with hobbies like blogging. (I use the term "a hobby of blogging" very loosely)

The calendar reads 2 years 6 weeks 1 day of being married.

The last time I checked in here we were doing well but things were difficult and challenging. So far, it appears like things are about the same. Don't be sad, a bulk of our hurdles are definitely circumstantial and it would feel much better and lighter if those things like jobs and finances and remodeling projects at the home were all nice and tidy.

I have always seen myself as a work in progress, always being content with slow modifications towards a goal. I'm not a composer yet, but orchestration takes mad skills and it helps if you have experience. In this industry you don't get either skill or experience from a book or without making some ugly sounds along the way. I am learning that it is even more challenging to make music with another, especially if their vision for the concert is different than mine.

My question for the day is how does one embrace their whole life and reality while maintaining the integrity of their wants, desires, dreams and passions?

I am obviously packing huge concepts and thoughts into that last question, and if I have more time I might unpack later this week.

I hope I can break my annual hobby, we'll see.

digital leash laws...

So after nearly 14 months of marriage, I am learning that expectations and disappointments are huge speed bumps in a relationship. We both want the other to be what we want them to be to us, but I am learning that no matter what oneself wants oneself cannot change the other. One can only effect oneself, although one can have affect on another.

It's hard, I still don't understand the mechanics of it all, but I'm working on it.

Please give me grace and forgiveness as I try.

2 months later...

If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm married to the most beautiful woman alive!

Life is good, and I am learning significant things about how to live with me.

Yes, that's right. How to live with me.

(I assumed that most people would talk about their significant other and all the blessings and trials that they have brought into their own life. And although that is very true, I wanted to do something else. It may work, it may not. It may keep your interest, and it may not keep your interest. We'll see.)

If you haven't stopped reading this blog yet, you will surely get your chance to vote now.

Living with yours truly...

I make the bed sink (not stink! sink), so that there is an incline if you try to sleep next to me. I eat a lot of food, but not always the stuff that you want me to eat. I brush my teeth with different toothbrushes on an irregular schedule. I don't wear make-up.

I do love you, and want the best for you. It just might take a while for me to come to a conclusion on what the best is, if there is such a thing in the first place.

I like opening wedding presents and watching episodes of The Pretender with you... (there is a lot of other stuff that I really like, definitely not G rated though)

I think I'm pretty good at putting the toilet seat down, but then again I don't have the best short term memory, especially when I am ready to fall asleep.

I need patience, and a positive attitude. I am able to apologize, a lot. (sorry for that, I bet it can be annoying, especially since I was taught to hold on to things for too long)

well, there's the superficial stuff... the warming up kinds of things. Maybe one day I'll be able to pour my heart and soul out on this screen, but I promise I won't do it until I'm able to give it to you first. (no blog bombs for me)

Hopefully I'll write again soon.

Yours Truly,

Gonna Get Ma-a-a-arried! (think of the song)

Yes the truth is that I'm gonna get married to my Love of over 6 years, this February!

Wow! weddings are really cool and really peculuer! If you make one wrong decision or suggestion you could start a small scale world war 3. But if you do your best to work with your fiancé, her family, your family and all the guests and interested parties, then something really special can take place that will make a lasting impression for the rest of your life!

Then, there's the Honeymoon... !


Yours Truly,

so... 20 days later!

Yep, I'm engaged and I love the woman who said yes to me.

Merry Christmas to all, your Christmas cards will be coming shortly.

Happy New Year, celebrate safely and get a good kiss at the stroke of 12! (but don't try competing with me because I can ensure that my kiss will be better than yours)

I will try to post the story as soon as I have more time, but right now I am planning a wedding.


Yours Truly,

So I get why they call them butterflies...

In your stomach that is...

I was thinking about that funny feeling in your gut, and I asked myself why butterflies? Why not moles, or rabbits, or earthworms, or gerbils or any other kind of critter that squirms or crawls or wiggles around?

But butterflies are nice, and pleasant and they make you happy. Joyful even!

It makes sense to me now, those anxious feelings are a ready reminder of the delights that wait just around the corner.

Butterflies, though peaceful and wonderful can still cause a funny feeling if they were all crammed in your belly at the same time trying to be held back and told to wait for their rightful time to spread the joy they were intended to create.

It all makes perfect sense, somehow. and I like it...

I wonder what is going to happen this week...

So, If you have been following this blog at all, you will have noticed a recent trend... I haven't been posting very much!

I wonder why that could be???

Well, yes... I have been spending a lot of time away from my computer, Yes, I have been really busy at work, yes, I have been finishing up a class at Biola, and yes, I have been at church volunteering, and yes I do still have 8 men living in my house.

But surely as busy as that may make me, that couldn't possible be enough to keep me from posting on my blog.

o.k., o.k., your right it is egg nog latte season at starbucks, and I do love those cranberry bliss bars!

But nope! That's still not the reason I have in mind.

well, if you all don't guess by this Thursday evening, I'll be sure to tell you on Friday!

Until then, please keep me in your prayers.

Yours Truly,

Giving Thanks...

I love to cook, and to eat!
But after this weekend I had no idea that preparing a meal with someone that you Love could be so much fun! I am amazed every time I think about this last weekend in Paso Robles.

Thanks to the Ellis Family for their hospitality,
Thanks to the Paso Robles Community Church for getting to know me,
Thanks to my parents for letting me borrow their car to make the drive,
Thanks to Dale and Helen for their spunk and encouragement,
Thanks to God for all of the subtle gifts and visions He reveiled to us,
Thanks for so many other friends who warmly contributed to our weekend,

and thanks to the Love of my life for being herself, in all glory and splendor and beauty!

Thanks be to God!

a gift from God...

So I was trying to look out for a dear friend of mine back in the Spring of this year, I prayed about it and after some time and discernment God gave me an answer. I choose to follow through and act in line with this direction.

Many months later I have been blessed with an African plate carved from soap stone, painted with deep rich colors, and etched with three giraffe's, a tree, and a rock. She gave me this gift.

The Symbolism is profound, not intended by the gift giver, but I am truly blessed and thankful for the intentional significance from The Great Gift Giver. God knows how to let his children participate in his work, and it is even better when they get to see what He has just done by virtue of their act of giving.

I love the special irony, the unique affinity, and the token of appreciation. Even more so I am grateful.

I have so many gifts and treasures coming to me this week, especially since my birthday is tomorrow. To me, this feels like a simple acknowledgement from God that he knows how much I delight in being thankful and grateful to Him, and to others.

All of this, the thoughts and feelings, the anxiety and anticipation, the hopes and the dreams, seem to illuminate my joy to me. Gifts really do bring out the best in people, not only in the givers but truly the best gifts draw out those who would honor and cherish the acceptance of a gift. A truly good gift reveals the heart of those who both give and receive.

Thank you my friends,
Thank you Lord,

May I be worthy of such a gift.

for a friend...

This is for Arcadi,

I miss our time together, the beers, the food, the talks, and just time to work out our ideas and issues.

It has been in the 80's this week, and I am still going to bed with the air conditioner on most nights, I hope the snow holds off for you as long as possible for you and your wife to enjoy the new England fall, but than again, it might be better to bring on the bitter cold so that you can cuddle up more closely to your sweetie.

I'm sorry that I'm behind on the whole support thing, I will get it figured out, but until than, I am just a lame, over busy, well intentioned friend. But I do know that the accounting department at GC probably won't credit your account with my good intentions.

I found a Mexican restaurant that we would have enjoyed together, if we knew it existed, it is actually in the Stater Bros. shopping center across from your old apartment. The chips remind me of TACO SHACK, you know... the Mexican joint on Whittier Blvd. where Riley would always get a hamburger.

Please send my love to your better half, and tell her that I am still praying for her sister. Are you and her going home for the holidays? If so, which home? CA or ND? or Both?

I might try to visit Michigan this Christmas to visit the Perini's, and I am hoping to bring someone for them to meet, but we'll see about the details I may decide to spend my money on something a little more engaging, if you know what I mean.


well, I don't quite know what makes a good blog, I hope it's not just semi personal things being made public. I do hope it is another opportunity to connect with my community and for you to feel a sense of belonging.


Yours Truly,



p.s. one week until my birthday (that was for everyone else!)

Blogging...

I love going to my blog, and especially these last few days because I am always delighted to gaze upon that picture of a beautiful princess whom I greatly cherish.

It is also a place to interact with my thoughts, and find other people interacting with them as well.

But that's the scary part... Letting other people interact with my thoughts.

Sometimes they are raw, sometimes they are polished and refined. I know that I am always in process and that I don't mind letting other people see that, but I would hate to put it out there and then have the opportunity for my friends to neglect it or not ask if it wasn't clear.

I place these thoughts out there right now in light of the Blogging Conference being held at my Alma Matter. I guess my caution is that this form of communication (if it can responsibly be called that) is so young and immature that I would hate to see it be reared up into a monster rather than a labor of love in right relationship to the world.

Do we really want to be the Right-Wing, Uber-Conservative, Conspiracy-Theorist global center of the Blogosphere?

so... I haven't posted for a while!

I do miss posting, but...
I have definitely not had the urgency to post my thoughts lately.

Why you might ask?

Good question with a GREAT answer!

I've been soaring around with a beautiful bird!

I'm reminded of an ee cummings poem, I must track it down and post it one of these days...

Can you see the subtle yet striking, elegant beauty in her crisp blue eyes... or is that only me! ;^)

Lord have mercy on me...

...and Lord have mercy on those truly amazing, beautiful souls who dare to risk getting to know me.

Why isn't it simple... a bitter or better defense?

Trust just can't be earned, it must be granted.

I think that we may fool ourselves if we think people earn our trust. When considering the matter, it is essential to grasp that "to trust" we make a decision as to whether or not people are worthy of our dependence. Most aren't, and that is a big problem! Fortunately for people like me (and so many others) we then participate in an extension of grace, which is a secondary decision by the "trusting" party...

So many romantic moments promise of memories that will leave an impression, but in reality the impression is either there or it's not, sure it may be so black and white that it's gray, but that fits. At least it has in my life and experience, meaning that though we separate ourselves and others into poet's and philosophers, scientists and magicians, engineers and thespians, ultimately separating the cavilers from the roundheads. It doesn't need to settle there. United, they can stand, no longer permitting those who hear not the music to think the dancers mad.

We judge and deliberate and evaluate on grades, and degrees, and scales. But ultimately things aren't equal! So they never end up balancing out. How can a Just God be Merciful? I would argue that most people never understand that question, much less any of its analogies in our daily life (either that or we lack the courage to test and approve what is before us). If I may be granted pride enough to boast of my assumptions on the matter, I may explain. But the explanation is an apology rather than a defense.

In short, I'm frustrated, I'm angry and I feel kind of bankrupt. I look at decisions I have made, efforts I have put forth, and hopes that I have dared to dream and I feel like I have discovered the same scenario yet again.

I am trying to win something, someplace, and someone. The difficult part is that I can't win...

My question right now is can I loose? or can I merely make it worse?

I'm sorry for how hard this is, was, and will be.



May the holy One give me the time to present a defense for the Hope that I have.